Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
