Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
