glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
