did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
