i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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