they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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