phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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