The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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