if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
