GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
