to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All the doctor said was why
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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