Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm like, not good at living.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
