he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
