last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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