I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
