a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
