He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
