From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
