Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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