you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
