Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
