yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
