Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Boobs are out for the taking
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
