Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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