i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
