what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
