I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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