Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There are leaves in my underwear?
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