my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
