hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
