My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
