Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
