She's JV to your varsity
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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