This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
try to milk me bitch
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
