I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
