Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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