So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
