I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
