You just made me feel so damn special
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
