a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
