so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
