No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
