I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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