Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
