porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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