I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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