I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
