Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
