Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
