I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Never underestimate the power of titties
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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