There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
