But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
