Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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