You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Randomize
