think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
